Emotional Vomit

This is a REALLY REALLY long post. No pictures. No exciting event. I am the type of person to skim over text on blogs and just go for the pictures, so if you are one of those readers just skip this one. I promise I'm not offended. I just felt the impression to post this journal entry in case there is someone out there that can benefit from it. Sometimes it's good to know your feelings are normal and that you aren't alone out there. Well, maybe I'm not normal and I'm crazy. You can think that too. Here goes:


I got an email the other day and laughed out loud. I promised myself I would forever keep this email, but it makes more sense to put it in my journal.

Dear Sisters,
I would like to personally Invite you to attend a very special meeting
for the wives of bishops and bishopric counselors, entitled;

"Supporting Husbands"
Or
"what to do with the man you prayed for"

February 9th at 7pm
Relief Society Room - Stake Center

Please come join us as we discuss and share ways to learn and grow
as we serve the Lord and our wards alongside our
husbands, and keep the home fires burning.
I hope you will feel free to share your insights as well.

Love, Sister Debie Bratt


I laughed out loud to this for several reasons. First, the irony of it all made me laugh. I literally did pray for a husband that would love the Lord more than he loved me... and this is what I got. I laughed that is sounds like a support group for women. I also appreciated the idea of it. Then I wanted to cry a little. I wanted to cry because I am not alone and there are women that could relate. I wanted to cry because maybe I do need a “support group”. I wanted to cry because of how silly that sounds to need a support group. I haven’t lost my husband. He’s just really busy. That’s a lot of emotions for one simple little invitation.

The day arrived for the event and of course Ryan had to work because he is on the night shift. So I had to get a babysitter just to go to the "supporting your husbands" night because they couldn’t provide a little nursery. Awesome. I get to pay someone to hear about how to support someone else. I entertained the thought only momentarily that maybe there should be a class on how to support the wives of the bishopric members. It was only momentary; I am only human. Anyway, I show up in jeans because as you can see above, there is no mention of dress, only that it is in the Relief Society room. Of course everyone else is in dresses and there’s President Bratt at the door to shake everyone’s hand. I decided to shirk that little encounter and snuck in a different door when he wasn’t looking. I sit at the far end of the room while everyone else was sitting with their respective wards. Luckily Sister Rushton came in later and sat by me.

It was interesting to see the different responses to the talks given. Pres. Bratt started the meeting by telling us to help our husbands remember that family is number 1, number 2 is job and number 3 is church. Some women were genuinely concerned and interested to know how to support their husband while maintaining that family balance because it is unbalanced. Some women acted a little bitter about all the time spent away. I totally get both, but at the time I was neither of those women. Pres. Bratt said that he understood it was hard for the wife to sustain the family while the husbands are away. That’s when I started bawling. I didn’t stop until I had to leave. I am certainly not mad that Ryan is out doing the Lord’s work. I think we have an ok balance. I just lost it because someone acknowledged that it is hard. To be honest I’m mad at myself that it’s hard. It seems like it shouldn’t be that hard. Maybe I don’t have enough patience or faith or something. But when he just acknowledged that it’s hard I really appreciated it. I guess it didn’t really dawn on me that this is a time of spiritual growth and testing. Before I saw this time as an inconvenience, but now I know it’s an environment of refinement and I will hopefully come out of it a better person.

The second talk was about D&C 25. It was a great talk and I really appreciate how vital it is for the wife to sustain the husbands in their callings. It really is a burden upon their shoulders too. I bawled all through that talk.

The third talk was by Sister Ables. Her husband was called to be Bishop when she was pregnant with her fourth child. They had a total of 5 boys in 7 years, to give you an idea of the craziness going on in her house. If anyone can relate, IT IS HER!!! Bishopric’s wives are supposed to be old, with kids grown or at least able to be left unattended. It was so refreshing to have a woman know exactly what I am going through. Every single story she told I laughed and I cried at the same time. It was awesome. She said her least favorite day of the week is Sunday. In my mind I was screaming, “ME TOO!!” Sometimes I feel like I am going crazy! I go to the “babes in arms” class and I feel like I’m even too disruptive for that! What is wrong with this whole situation?? I leave church EVERY WEEK feeling like I’ve run a marathon. It’s so physically draining, it’s ridiculous. And every week I think to myself, “It shouldn’t be this hard.” I am still wondering why it is so hard, but it is. Sister Ables told a story about how it’s okay that we miss things. We miss those wonderful sacred moments that our husbands get to participate in. We miss outings or other occasions because we don’t have a babysitter. We miss a lot of stuff that we would like to be a part of because our husbands are out serving the Lord. And it’s ok. That was also really touching for me to hear because I do feel that way sometimes. I am disappointed when I miss out on things. But it’s okay.

It really is.

Needless to say, I bawled the entire hour I was there. Of course the cherry on top of my ironic night was that I had to leave early to get back to the babysitter because I don’t trust her to put the kids down for the night. Yes, I paid money to go to the “supporting your husbands” night and I didn’t even get to stay the whole time. I laughed and cried about that too. I am crying right now typing out this whole thing and it was two weeks ago. I’m still not used to the mindset that this is a refining period because I do keep asking myself, “why is this so hard. It shouldn’t be this hard.” But it is.

And it’s okay.